Yes, I'm sure...Essure that is

I loved being pregnant. I loved it so much I offered perfect strangers the use of my womb. I offered several best friends the use of my womb...unfortunately, there were no takers. I REALLY wanted to help them out and then not have all of the messy stuff afterward. I had NO takers. I'm guessing it's because I smoke...and don't eat very well...and I have all kinds of crazy health issues. But that's just a thought. I'm sure that's not it.

I love my daughter. I would not trade her for the world. But after she was born and I was being wheeled out of the delivery room I looked at my mom and I said "I am NEVER doing that again."

And for a while after she was born I kept telling people that. And they would all cock their heads to the side like a dog and make that face at me. You know the face. The "Aw, you say that now but you'll change your mind" face.

I actually worked with a woman who would ask me every single day when I was having another baby. Come on, she would say, you know you want to give Adria a little brother or sister. And I would politely reply, nope...no I don't. And she would keep insisting that I would. That some day I would magically wake up and want another child.

Well guess what...I DON'T! Not only do I not want antoher kid as of April 10th I will no longer be able to have children and this news is EXCITING. No more worries about whether or not I took my pill, no more worries that I will develop a huge clot in my leg that will travel to my lung and kill me. You know, because quitting smoking is so much harder than not taking the pill.

So there you have it. Am I sure? UH, Adria is getting boobs...yeah, I'm pretty sure I'm DUNZO!

And further more, when someone says that don't want anymore kids or that they don't want kids at all....shut up. Just.shut.up. Because guess what, people are allowed to want one child, or no children, or *gasp* five children. It is up to them.

Please stop trying to make me feel bad about my choice.

Okay now I'm REALLY pissed off.

Okay before you read this, read this Unsupportive Parenting.

I wrote that post roughly 20 minutes ago and in that time I received some emails and texts from some of the most amazing and talented people I know thanking me for writing about unsupportive parents. Then proceed to tell me what their parents have said to them.

After getting straight A's at Northwestern University: "What took you so long?"
Asking how do I look?: "Beauty is a curse"
Talking potential baby names: "What makes you think you will have kids?"
Starting in theater: "We'd support you if you were talented like Ann Margaret"
Discussing having children: "Why would want to have kids and ruin your life the way they ruined mine?"
Discussing an upcoming audition: "Oh, you're still doing that?"

Angry yet? No? How about this:

An insanely talented writer/actor/director/producer friend of mine started an online television show including a character that he created (which is now insanely popular). At the premier, he looked around at the people in the audience who had made time to come see his premier and NOT A SINGLE FAMILY MEMBER was in the audience. NOT ONE. And they all live less than 15 minutes away.

I am going to be brutally honest. The first thing I did was call my mom and say thanks. Because of her I knew I could always be whatever and whoever I wanted to be.

Then, I cried...a LOT. I honestly didn't know that there were this many people like this out there. So please, please, PLEASE, be supportive to everyone you know. It may not be your dream, but it is someone's.

Unsupportive parenting

I'm a mom. I have a mom. I have 2 mother-in-laws (that's a whole different story), I'm friends with other moms, I had two grandmothers...you're seeing the pattern right? Well, never in my life have any of these women made me feel less than 110% supported at any given moment. Whether it is about my health, my life, my finances, my marriage(s), my daughter...WHATEVER, I have always felt lifted up, not torn down.

Someone just told me a story about a mother, who after seeing her grown son participate in something that he loves, turn to him and say..."Don't you think it's time to try something else?"

Who DOES that?!?!?!?!

Another example, same mother. Her son wants to try to manufacture and sell something that he is really good at making. (I'm not saying what as it would give this person away and I'm not trying to put someone's shit out on Front Street). After talking to her about it, she proceeds to email her son with links of all kinds of people that have already done it and say "Ooops, sorry, you're too late"!

As a mother, and frankly a person, I cannot fathom ever doing this to my kid. When Adria came to me with a Barbie zip line idea...I said awesome, do it!

At what point do we stop tearing people down because of our own damn insecurities. What's the matter mommy, are you scared your son will be more successful than you are? Isn't that kind of the point of parenting...hope that they grow up to accomplish great things?

If you don't think that this is even a little part of parenting, then maybe you should trade your kid in for a plant or something. Definitely not a pet, you don't deserve a pet.

It's that time of year again

Winter is upon us. I have many pet peeves about winter. The biggest one is snow. So far we have gotten snow twice already this season and a lot of people are excited about it. I am not one of those people. I hate snow. Unless there is a significant amount that let's me stay inside and watch television all day, I say fuck you snow!!!

And with the snow, come the idiots. You know which ones I'm talking about. The lazy morons that cannot take that extra two minutes to clean off their cars. On Saturday, I saw a woman driving through my neighborhood with a small circle area cleaned off of her windshield and that was IT! Seriously lady. Do you have to be somewhere so badly that you couldn't take the extra two freaking minutes to clean the rest of your oversized SUV off. You are an asshat and you're going to kill someone. But it won't be you, no, no, no. It will be someone who has visibility and took the time to be safe and you will survive well, because asshats always survive.

Like this! WHAT THE FRESH HELL!


 

Then there are the people who think that because they drive the overpriced, oversized, gas guzzling yuppie machines they don't have to be careful. Hey, I'm in a sedan over here, could you please honor the speed limit? Or at least aim for somewhat near it? Thanks, even though you won't do it. Jerk-off



And then there are the people who let the huge plank of ice on the roof for days so it gets nice and crunchy and crazy dangerous. Then pieces of the iceburg come flying off on the highway and you end up playing some kind of really twisted real life video game trying not to die. So, thank you for that also. Good times. I remember a few years ago a woman died...DIED, when ice from someone's roof went through her windshield.

So please keep in mind when you're whining about cleaning off your car...that it really doesn't take long....and LOOK you can even buy this for under $20 at amazon.com

 

Stay safe and clean off your DAMN CAR!

Hello!!!

Some of you might be familiar with my other blog. This is NOT that blog!

It is pretty common knowledge that I like to bitch. And bitch I do. As a matter of fact, it runs in the family. My mother would literally explode if she couldn't find something to bitch about. Her favorite topics? The internet and cell phones. According to her we are living in a world of zombies and the internet will be our downfall. I'm shopping homes as we speak. (I keed, I keed)

Okay, so let's dive right in shall we? My first topic of discussion? Stupid people. Now, I'm not talking about people that make stupid mistakes, or people that make stupid decisions because Steve Perry knows we've all been there. Steve Perry you say? Yes, while as I am a non-believer Mr. Perry is who I pray to. Have a problem with that? Tough crap. No, I'm talking about really STUPID people. Mainly, people in my college classes who can barely read.

Barely read? Yes, I cannot even make this shit up. I have many examples of this but today I'm going to focus on last night's class. We were in Haunted PA and we had to make our final presentations. This was to be accompanied by a seven page paper.

Ghetto girl number one gets up and not only can she not pronounce the place she is doing her presentation on...she is talking about Picksburg. Now, this is a HAUNTED PENNSYLVANIA class and I'm wondering how I've managed to make it to 34 years of age without knowing about Picksburg. Picksburg as it turns out is Pittsburgh. PITTS-burgh. Wow, I have no words.

Ghetto girl number two gets up and while her presentation was very entertaining, she puts a slide up on the screen that should say: "There is only one explanation". Is that what it says? NO

It says: "There is only WON explanation"

Are you serious??!?!?!?!?!?!?!??! You cannot possibly have chosen this word on purpose. I just don't believe it.

And my final gripe about the completely uneducated really takes the cake. First, the assignment was a research project on a story in our book or something else we haven't done in class. She chooses the Jenny Wade house in Gettysburg.... Where we went on a field trip.... Where they gave us all of the information she presented in her slide show. This is neither a research project nor is it the right assignment. Okay...so after presenting all of the information that we already know, because we were ALREADY THERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She ends her presentation this way:


"After the war her remain were moved from her sister Georgia house to the Gettysburg National Cemetary where she honored with this red flag".

This red flag!!!!!!!!!!?????????? You couldn't possibly be talking about the flag in the picture. The United States of America Flag....right?! Because you could not possibly be that stupid.

Oh but of course you could.